Gun policy

Sadly, the Supreme Court has recently decided that I have to institute a firearms policy for my 30th birthday party. Since I intend to fully comply with the law and not discourage anyone from carrying a weapon within the District of Columbia, I've made a short list of weapons that are firearms that are acceptable at the party.

The list is as follows:
1. A blunderbuss.

Note that if your gun is not on this list, Fuggles will probably get all weirded out that you're actually bringing a GUN to a KEG PARTY and Katherine will make me ask you to leave. To clear up any confusion, unless your gun looks like this one, don't bring it.

A la recherche du temps perdu

Has it been too long since my last melancholy blog post? Yes?

Turning 30 is mostly a pleasant experience, especially since 30 doesn't seem especially old to a 29 year old. But, there is something jarring to the fact that I've been around for just short of 30 years and really don't remember very much of it. For instance, what did I do on my 14th birthday? Anything? Is there any way to know? I'm sure I went out to eat with my dad (a family tradition), but I certainly can't remember where we went, much less what we talked about.

Then, I think about all those people who must've been at my 7th birthday party. Who were they? And, what happened to them? It's amazing that I've met so many hundreds, even thousands, of people who I've enjoyed, people who have touched my life in some not-insignificant way, and I have no idea who they are.

Of the people I do remember, I'm shocked that so many of them have disappeared. Brett? Blair? Of course, in the age of Facebook, I suppose I could try to look these folks up, but I don't have a Facebook account (and I'm a student, so it's even more likely that I would have one than them). Even then, there must be several hundred people named "John Owens" out there, so I'm sure I'd never find the right guy.

And it's not just people from long ago! Friends from college have fallen off the face of the earth, which can only mean that people say the same thing about me: "Where did Richard go?"

Hopefully someone will find these people and tell them about my birthday party. Perhaps that dog from the end of Pynchon's Mason and Dixon is on his way to my house right now, sending me word from someone, so that I won't have to wonder anymore...

DC dance party!

I guess no one will be surprised to find out that having a standup comedian is pretty unworkable for a house party. First, it's not really a good venue, so comics don't really want to do it. Second, we'd have to pay someone, which is NOT going to happen. And third, well, there's not really a third, since those first two are pretty damning.

Katherine and I are focusing on some other entertainment ideas right now. We talked to Fuggles about learning some tricks, but she stuck out her claws and jumped out of my arms, so I don't think she's interested. But, we ARE going to have an all go-go dance hour at some point! Look for this on the official party agenda (due out sometime around 9pm on September 27th, realistically) and get ready to dance to some Chuck Brown, TCB, Backyard Band, Junkyard Band, EU (added for Rouzbeh), and more! Also, we're going to have a good representation of DC music for the rest of the night. Of course, there will be some standards (Fugazi, Teen Idles, whatever), but we'll also have some non-pop stuff (John Philip Sousa, Duke Ellington, that female opera singer who's famous). Should be a good time! Put your requests in the comments section.

Oh, since this isn't a Redskins blog, I'll keep the game commentary to this: this might be the worst 'Skins team of the Dan Snyder era.

Other turning 30 blogs

Has anyone googled "Turning 30" recently, seeing if Turning 30...finally... was making me famous? No? No one else cares? Well, since I'm much too inept to install a sitemeter on my blog, my only gauge of success is how high up I am on Google's results. And how high am I? Not very!

Sadly, lots of other successful bloggers have taken the easy route and done a general interest, personal diary, type of blog with one lousy post about turning 3o. Weak. As far as I can tell, no one else has taken the initiative to write a daily blog for two whole months about their 30th birthday party! I can't imagine why.

Even worse, everyone else is completely humorless about aging. It seems that most people stay at home and cry, instead of embracing their new oldness in public with a fun party. Keg? Nope. Standup comic? Nope. Stories about other birthdays? Nope. Melancholy recollections? Some. Self-deprecating anecdotes? Nope. In short, this is the only blog where you can read about every single thing related to turning 30! Unfortunately, it turns out that there's not really 60 posts of solid material out there for me to write about, so you get bad ones like this.

B2S!

I've been working on my abbreviations, in the hopes that it fends off the post-30th-birthday senility. So, in case you're not keeping up with trends, "B2S" means "Built to Slaughter" (which I am) or, in this instance, "Back to School" (which I also am). Being 29 in business school is nice because I'm just about the average age. But, people tend to think I'm older, or at least more settled down, because they always ask about my kids.

Yeah, people assume I have kids.

I had one class today and have three tomorrow. Today was mostly about making small talk to find out what people did for the summer. So far I think I've talked to one person whose job was anywhere near as interesting as mine, but I can't tell you what he did because it's top secret information at the company. Zing! My job's not top secret, though: I learned everything I could about Copper Fox Distillery and tried to sell more Wasmund's Single Malt Whisky than I drank. An amazing experience and I wish everyone could spend a summer doing exactly what they wanted.

In other news, today is Brucetravis's birthday (speaking of other people who are Built to Slaughter). He's 33 and celebrated by sending me a list of hundreds of words that start with "th". No, "thenerd" and "theloser" and "thefattestcyclistinthemidatlantic" didn't make the list, even though they're appropriate to for the birthday boy. Happy birthday!

(In case you've never met Brucetravis, here's a picture of him with his twin brother.)

My 24th birthday!

September 27th, 2002. This was a weird birthday.

I was training for the Marine Corps Marathon at the time, so I ran about 22 miles in the morning, then came home and ate a whole watermelon on the front porch. At some point, various people came over to the house for an afternoon party, although I'm not really sure who was involved. Justin Jarboe was definitely there, because I know he had pictures of me hitting a pinata.

This was my "beard" phase, so I have a red, scraggly beard in the pictures. Delightful.

All in all, it was a pretty good day, and as low-key as you can get and still have a pinata. I guess it's just one of those parties that you forget about over the years.

Vacation next week!

Just a head's up, Turning 30...finally... will be taking its first days off since July 27th on Monday and Tuesday. Katherine and I are heading to Tilghman's Island, where there have been recent sightings of the elusive "Chesapeake Watermen".

Long thought to be extinct, rumors are swirling that at least a handful of people still make a living off of fishing in the Chesapeake. Even more surprising, this is in addition to the enterprising souls leading northern snakehead fishing expeditions! We're hoping to see some of these few survivors of a bygone era and taste their delicious haul. I can't speak for both of us, but I plan on having hardshell crabs for breakfast.

It's a little surprising to think about places I've gone to chillax for a few days over the years. In college, almost any days off from school were an excuse to go to San Francisco. Then, in my early 20's (also known as the Bronze Age), Jack and I got in the habit of heading to Philadelphia on long weekends. Katherine and I have strangely become big fans of rural Maryland. We spend lots of time talking about the woods where they filmed the Blair Witch Project and looking at cool birds.

I guess this is what it's like to get old: you stay closer and closer to home. By the time I'm 35, I expect to never leave Ward 4 except for special occasions. Maybe Rock Creek Park will be our ritual birthday destination.

See you on Wednesday!

A great recent 30th birthday party

My friend Adam and a few other folks all turned 30 about the same time earlier this summer. Naturally, they threw a group party and it was a tremendous success!

Group parties can be tough things. Will the different groups of friends mingle, or will everyone stand around in separate circles? Will some people get lots of presents and others get none? Will one person's friends be lots better at pitching horseshoes?

Typically, horseshoe-pitching skills wouldn't matter too much, but Adam's neighbor has ingeniously installed a horseshoe pit in their backyard! Granted, there's no above-ground pool to go with it, but these are the sorts of things that make for a great party. Sure, anyone can have music and beer, but horseshoes take it to a whole other level. Oh, Adam and his friends also smoked a pig. That's not chips and salsa, folks, that's a whole pig!

I'm not even going to try to top Adam's party, but he has set the standard. Will a stand-up comedian measure up to a smoked pig? Will the go-go iPod mix measure up to horseshoes? Does having a blog add anything whatsoever to a party? Will it make my party better or worse if I spend all night crying? We'll see.

Slowly but surely, getting the house ready

This morning I went out back to see how things looked in the alley and was dismayed to realize that our parking place was in a state of massive disrepair. Not good. In fact, it was embarassing when neighbor Ian walked by and just shook his head.

So, I headed out to Home Depot and bought 24 feet of 4x6's, got them cut to the right size, and put them out back. After about an hour of raking, digging, and trimming, I finally had the old border torn up and the new one put in. It's far from perfect, but it's a dramatic improvement.

This is the sort of thing we're going to be doing up until September 27 to make sure that everyone has a great time. Other small projects include painting the front porch and re-glazing some windows that rattle. And, if we're lucky, and if my guy Vinny comes over soon, we might have a VERY big improvement to show off...

28th Birthday!

Two years ago Katherine and I took the day off work on September 27th and went down to southern Maryland. Great place! It's very pretty, with lots of great local flavor. I can see why John Wilkes Booth ran away to there after killing Lincoln.

After an epic drive down the Suitland Parkway, we headed down Route 5 to LaPlata (motto: "Not Waldorf.") for lunch at Johnny Boy's Ribs. Johnny Boy's is just a shack on the side of the road with some picnic tables. The ribs were fantastic, with great bark on the side, a nice smoke line, and perfectly spicy sauce. Sides were okay, but not nearly as good as the ribs.

I finished off lunch by washing my face with a moist towelette. Don't think I'll do that again.

From there, we went out to Nanjemoy Creek for some birdwatching. Sounds boring, right? Wrong. It's awesome. We watched bald eagles for a while and saw some osprey diving for fish, then took a little hike and saw some young eagles fly past about twenty feet away. There are pictures somewhere, probably with the Hooter's waitress pictures from my 25th birthday. Gotta look for those.

Brewday Sunday!

Katherine and I brewed a batch of our house IPA today, in anticipation of the party on September 27. We were ably assisted by an extremely hungover Brucetravis, who I think was only sticking around the house until he felt confident he could make it home without throwing up.

Why was he so hungover? Because yesterday's party practice was a raging success! I think we need to work on food (a slice at Manny and Olga's may not have been enough), but everything else was excellent. Drink selection and pacing was extremely impressive. Somehow, we mixed together Wasmund's Single Malt Whisky, Sierra Nevada Pale Ale, Miller Lite, and Jameson's and kept it rocking until a stunning 3am! We might have rolled even later, but The We Are Scientists kicked us out of their dressing room so they could drive to Columbus, Ohio.

The trunk show was a smash. Great turnout and the Barking Irons guys are fantastic. Big ups to all the Wasmund's fans who came out. In case anyone's curious, the drink I was serving is: mint muddled in a glass, a shot of Wasmund's, two shots of Honest Ade Orange Mango, a shot of club soda, and ice. Or, you can always use Wasmund's to make my favorite cocktail: a glass full of whisky, with a dash of witty conversation. Enjoy!

More melancholy birthday recollections...

Oddly, I don't really recall many birthdays from the elementary school era. I have vague recollections of going to a high school football game, and I've certainly heard plenty of stories about the time I had cheesecake for my birthday cake and no one else would eat it, but that's about it. I guess I'm now forced to face the harsh truth that it's hard to remember stuff that happened 20 to 25 years ago. (This will probably work in my favor when I no longer remember high school when I'm 45. That day can't come soon enough.)

I do remember one birthday where my mom had a big piece of butcher paper (did other people have butcher paper around the house?) on the table and told all the guests to write something on it. The premise was that I wasn't supposed to see what they wrote, but would then be allowed to look at it when I turned 16. This had several faults, including:
1. Could my hillbilly friends actually write anything? And would I ever learn to read?
2. Wouldn't I have been too embarassed to actually talk to my parents when I as 16?
3. Where, exactly, was this piece of paper going to stay for the next 8 to ten years?

Needless to say, I never saw this paper again. I suspect there were lots of drawings of race cars, but I can't say for sure. So, if John Owens, Blair Williams, Brett Gayer, Leon Spears, or anyone else remembers this party, please leave a comment about what you wrote. If you wrote something dumb, feel free to change it to be funny.

No, it's not a compliment when you say I look like I'm 33.

A commenter on a previous post asked for more cycling-related posts. This is a little difficult, since I had to retire this season. According to USA Cycling, your "racing age" (the age that's on your license) is the age you'll be on December 31 of that year. So, this season my racing age would've been 30, which would mean that I could race in the "masters" categories. Yeah, right. No self-respecting 29-year-old would do those old man races. No way was I going to line up with guys who's primary concern was that races start early so they can finish up and go do chores around the house. Whatever.

Anyway, there is a good cycling anecdote from a few years back. I was having dinner with some teammates after the criterium at the Seaford Stage Race out in Delaware. One teammate (who shall remain unnamed) commented that he thought cycling made people look younger than they actually were. To prove it, he said that he thought I looked like I was 33. Whoops! This means that he thought I was somewhere around 36-40 years old.

Of course, I was 26 at the time.

You're invited!

Did I mention that everyone who reads this blog is invited to my birthday party on September 27? What? Yeah, what!

We've done some preliminary planning and can confirm the following things:

1. We Are Scientists has decided to play in Torino, Italy, with REM and not in the basement of my house. This is obviously a mistake on their part and they have expressed their sincerest regret, but I wish them the worst. If any faithful readers and birthday party attendees happen to run into The We Are Scientists on August 2 at the Black Cat, please heckle them ruthlessly. Make them cry.

2. We're trying to get a standup comic to tell jokes. Unlike my blog, this might actually be funny.

3. There will be a keg, plus some homebrews, plus some limoncello, plus plenty of Wasmund's Single Malt Whisky. (Note to We Are Scientists: good luck finding Wasmund's in Italy, suckers! Have fun hanging out with REM's roadies.)

There are some other fun things in the works, but I can't confirm them right now. Nonetheless, I'll happily mention the following things to start some rumors: half smokes, Fuggles the cat in a party hat, the Redskins Cheerleaders, Manute Bol, breakdancing, wiffle ball, Brother O'Dell Pass the Biscuits Pappy O'Daniels, and Blelvis.

This blog will start in two days!

Nope, nothing to report yet. I'm going to start posting on July 27 and will stop on September 27. It's going to be a lot like those people who "live blog" events like rodeos and political conventions, only it will last for two months and the topic is only interesting to me. Things like RSS feeds, Twitter messages, and pictures will probably not happen, because I'm much too old to know how to actually make those things work. Come back in a few days to see what happens!