Tuesday, September 23, 2008

People who are not invited

In the interest of not having several thousand people at my party, I've put together a short list of folks who aren't invited. If you're on this list, please don't come to the party. Or, if you insist, come to the party and see if Fuggles the Cat will let you in (she tends to be more forgiving than me).

1. Lance Armstrong. Seriously, just go away.

2. Jessica Simpson. Okay, you can come...IF YOU PUT OUT ANOTHER SONG EVER!

3. Tony Stewart. You know, there was a time when you would've been welcome, but then you got that insane affectation of a fight-starter and now it's just dumb.

4. Bill Clinton. Oh, man, don't get me started.

5. Levi Leipheimer. No offense, but I just don't think you'll add much fun to the party.

6. Anyone from that new reality show about DC. Please. This is for real. Don't come. Even Fuggles doesn't like you.

7. Bill Kristol. This is mostly for your own good, Bill. Every time I see you on TV all I can think about is how you're one of the few people who I could whip in a fight, and I just don't want to be tempted.

8. Amanda Palin. Obviously, you like to party, but I don't think having 17-year-olds at the party is a good idea.

That's the whole list. For everyone else, see you on Saturday!


table 4 at the peach pit said...

Not invited addendum:

- Patrick Ramsey (asshole)
- the Shotgun Stalker (asshole)
- L'enfant (super asshole)

Richard said...

This reminds me: Steve Spurrier's not invited either.

Heath Shuler said...

i'm so glad i'm not on this list! i'll be there!

Lil' Sis said...

Jessica Simpson just put out a country album. http://www.jessicasimpson.com/news/jessica-simpson%E2%80%99s-new-release-debuts-no-1-on-billboard%E2%80%99s-top-country-albums-chart